It kind of depends on what mindfulness is to you...to me, it’s a way of resetting my thought process and bringing it back to the present. And I do it in many ways.
- Savouring a cup of tea or coffee while I throw some cards.
- Going for a walk in the forest, appreciating the beauty of nature around me.
- Moon-gazing.
- Practising gratitude, even when I don’t physically write it in my journal.
- Shaking off a stressful experience by having a kitchen dance party.
- Lighting a candle, watching the flame burst into life and dance.
- Night-time meditation and breathing exercises before sleep.
- Playing with the crystals in my pocket, enjoying their vibration and coolness against my skin.
- A conversation with my son.
- Going back to my "to do" list and add things I've done already to cross them off immediately and celebrate what I've done!
I'm sure you'd be able to make a list of at least one or two things you do every day without even knowing it.
These acts, sometimes so very small, perform a very important task - taking you out of a pocket of stress and into a place where you prioritise yourself over the worries and stressors. A warm, safe space that celebrates you. Reminds you of your strengths, of what you have overcome, and puts that issue, whatever it is, firmly in it's place.
These moments can be life-saving. I'm not kidding, I'm not being melodramatic. Without mindfulness, I would hate to think where I would be right now. And I'm not unique - so many of us have huge stresses eating at our peace of mind, depleting our resilience.
This year has been one of my toughest. Easily. Parents have been very poorly (fuck cancer, seriously!), my husband's stroke last year has fundamentally changed who he is in some ways, and I'm constantly concerned how this affects my son, even without the tension it's introduced into our relationship. Some of my closest friends are facing incredibly hard challenges, some fighting illness, or watching loved ones do so. And then to add to it all, I lost my day job. The other day, a friend asked me "How are you still standing?"
It made me think...hence this post.
In a nutshell, the answer is: mindfulness and gratitude. Because I am incredibly grateful for this life. Even when it's challenging the hell out of me, and I have my down days, days where I'm not sure how to cope, I'm here. I have people in my life I'm thankful for daily, and that's a LOT. I have very personal experiences to remind me it could easily have not been the case...
In my early 20s, I was involved in an accident that gave me a compression fracture of not one but three of my vertebrae. At the time, the scariest moment of my life was being put on a back board and strapped into a neck brace. I had no idea the scariest bit was still to come. In a rushed A&E, someone missed the fracture on my x-rays, and I was sent home. Six weeks later, I was called back to the hospital where they explained that if had I moved in the wrong way during those six weeks, I would’ve been paralysed from the neck down. I should have been put on bedrest and on the x-rays one of my vertebrae was triangular, so how it was missed we couldn't work out. But, ending on a positive, as I was now healing, I was told to "just" carry on, but with a helpful list of what seemed like hundreds of things I wasn't allowed to do for months, like dance, run etc.
So, yes, 99% of the time I'm grateful I can move, I can dance, run, kayak and all kinds of things, even though I have chronic pain issues. I do still occasionally take it for granted but it's not long before I remind myself how lucky I am.
In my later 20s and early 30s, I had two breast cancer scares. The first time, the doctors didn't think it would be cancer, but sent me through the testing process to confirm. The second time they did think was cancer, and the testing process took a matter of days. Unfortunately, these days spanned an utterly terrifying weekend (one where I did stupid things, like walking the city alone at night and getting completely trashed. I was lucky (both that weekend and in my results). Between my two cancer scares an aunt did have breast cancer, and following treatment she was ok. And since, a second aunt and my mother have also had it and survived (yes, I have to be tested more often because with family history, it’s likely, I will get it ), and two friends have died from it, one of whom was a mentor I adored.
Like so many people, I know how short life can be for some, and how precious life really is. I do have stresses in my life, which cause my blood pressure to be higher than I would like. I try to combat these with mindfulness and self-care, and I can always improve....it's an ongoing journey. But I acknowledge, even on my hardest days, that I am blessed in many ways. I have experienced my own "miracles" and there isn't a day I don’t practice gratitude (even when I don’t write it down, like I probably should).
If I didn't do all this? If I let all those stresses build up? My friend probably wouldn't have to ask how I was still standing, because I may not be, I may be sitting in a corner unable to cope, or worse.
We all have a limit...the importance of mindfulness is to empty our "stress tank" at regular intervals so that we don't reach our limit of what we can endure...